Finding Meaning Again
by Angelustatt
Summary: Post Cyberwoman. Ianto Jones awaits his fate after betraying his team for Lisa...but he hasn't counted on Captain Jack Harkness.


_A/N: Ever since the first time I watched Cyberwoman, I've always thought about the look that Jack and Ianto share at the end...and it got me thinking to what the hell must have been said before hand. So...here's a little look at what I reckon could have happened..hope I've done them justice.  
_

**xXx**

It was never meant to end like this. Not like this.

_"I'm alive!"_

A tremble set through the hands of Ianto Jones as the voice whispered in the back of his mind. Lisa's voice. His Lisa. The girl he loved...**had** loved. God, he'd have to start thinking of Lisa in the past tense now.

The very idea of that was heartbreaking and a sob caught in his throat.

Lisa was gone. Dead. All his work, everything he had carefully built up in the hope of bringing Lisa back and making her human again. It had all been destroyed in a hail of bullets. No...not that wasn't strictly true. It had ended the moment Ianto had entered that room to find Lisa's body on the floor and her brain inside an innocent pizza girl.

Tears flooded Ianto's eyes, blurring his vision as he slowly folded over and hugged his knees, his shoulders shaking as he allowed himself to break again. Sobbing for Lisa, for everything they'd lost...and for what Ianto was still yet to lose.

The flat was quiet, no sound other than the small clock ticking on the mantel piece. It had been several hours since Ianto had come home. Several hours since he'd finally been allowed to leave the Hub and come home. His clothes were ruined, stained from filthy water and blood. Lisa's blood. Simple logic dictated that he should shower and change his clothes, but Ianto couldn't bring himself to do that. To part with even this last small piece of the woman he loved.

Rocking ever so slightly back and forth, Ianto rubbed at his fingers, working at his palm, feeling like Lady Macbeth trying to remove blood from her hands. The stains were never going to leave him. And why should they? Jack had been right to make him clean up the mess. Dispose of the bodies. It had been his fault, his mess.

God...Jack.

Ianto looked up at the clock, realising that he was bound to have a knock at the door soon enough. Jack would come calling, looking for answers, not excuses. Needing to know why Ianto had risked everything and betrayed everyone for a woman who was already listed as dead at Canary Wharf. There would be paperwork to be signed, procedure to follow...

And then Ianto Jones would meet the fate of everyone who left Torchwood. His memories would be wiped. Everything from his time with Jack and the others would be lost forever.

Of course, there was always the more permanent option. The favoured method utilized by Torchwood One. A bullet to the back of the head and then his body would simply turn up in a canal or the bay. If it turned up at all. Ianto wouldn't be the first person to simply disappear in Cardiff.

A gun was already sat on the coffee table in front of him. Cleaned, loaded, untraceable. Ready for Jack when he arrived. Ianto had always prided himself on being efficient in the past. Why stop now?

There was a soft knock at the door, followed by a key turning in the lock. Ianto didn't need to look up to know who it was. He'd know those footsteps anywhere and only one person had a key to his flat.

"Ianto?"

Ianto couldn't meet Jack's eyes at first. He couldn't see that look of betrayal again, knowing he'd put it there. Knowing he'd hurt the man he'd fallen in love with.

Fallen in love. How the hell had that even happened? It was supposed to be about Lisa, about saving her. Ianto had been willing to use his body to get what he wanted...but he hadn't ever expected to lose his heart to Jack.

And that was what hurt even more. He'd lost two people that night.

"Ianto, talk to me."

"Why?" Ianto looked up finally, his voice catching as he spoke. "What do you want me to say, Jack? Sorry? How can I be sorry for trying to save the girl I love?"

Jack took a long hard look at the broken man before him. Taking in the bloody clothes, the hollow look in Ianto's eyes. There was so little to recognise of the man Jack knew. Or at least, thought he had known. Ianto had been lying to him all this time. Manipulating him and endangering everyone by bringing that Cyberwoman into his Hub. It should have been an unforgiveable act. Judging by the gun sitting on the table? Ianto was expecting Jack to handle it in typical Torchwood fashion.

But that wasn't how Jack worked. Not in his Torchwood.

Without saying a word, Jack headed for the kitchen. He picked up the pot from the coffee percolater and filled it in the sink, then filled the percolator itself. The coffee grounds were next, a brand that Jack had come to associate with nights spent in Ianto's bed, warm and content. The scent of them brought a brief smile to Jack's face that quickly soured as he thought about the events of that day. Ianto had betrayed them. He'd betrayed **him. **

But for what? It would be so easy to condemn Ianto. If it had been about money, about power...hell, about some stupid Hollywood idea of world domination or revenge. But love? How was Jack supposed to punish Ianto for fighting for the woman he loved? Wouldn't he have done the same?

The fire, the pain, the sheer desperation to hang onto that love burning in Ianto's eyes, had torn at Jack. God, he'd wanted to take it away from Ianto. Wanted to fix everything for him and bring that cheeky, boyish smile back to this face. Jack had wanted to shield Ianto from the reality of what he had done and how it had to end. Instead, he had been forced to make him confront it all, knowing all too well that it could and probably would cost Ianto his life.

Walking to the doorway of the kitchen, Jack looked at Ianto's slumped shoulders as he sat on the couch. His world was in tatters and right now, right in this moment, Jack was standing at a crossroads. He had the chance to fix this.

The bottle of Retcon in his pocket had never felt heavier. All it would take is one small tablet, and Ianto could move on with his life without pain. Lisa's death would be at the hands of the Cybermen and Torchwood One. No hail of gunfire, no betrayal. Ianto could move on with his life. Start again.

Sure, that worked in theory at least.

The percolator finished it's cycle behind him. Jack poured two cups, knowing that they were never going to taste as wonderful as Ianto's. The man's ability to make incredible coffee bordered on the supernatural. Picking up the mugs, Jack turned to head back to the living room. From the corner of his eye, Jack spied the mess on the kitchen counter. How the hell had he missed that before?

Sitting the mugs down on the sink again, Jack took a closer look, his heart sinking. The remains of a toasted sandwich maker was sat there, shattered and broken, a congealed cheese sandwich buried forlornly amidst the pieces.

_"You made cheese toasties, and moaned I hadn't de-scaled my kettle."_

Jack felt like the air had been sucked from the room.

"I...I was hungry when I got home.."

Jack turned sharply, seeing Ianto standing quietly in the doorway. He looked smaller, almost as if he was folding in on himself, his arms tucked in across his chest.

"I don't even know why I made it? I haven't eaten them since..."

Since Canary Wharf, Jack was willing to wager. He turned and picked up the mugs from behind him, offering one to Ianto. "Here..."

Ianto eyed the mug with instant suspicion before reaching out for it resignedly after a moment. What the point in resisting? This was for the best, right? In twenty minutes or so, none of this would matter. He brought the mug to his lips, sipping carefully at the hot liquid, then narrowing his eyes at Jack."There's no bitter after taste..."

"Is there supposed to be?" Jack took a sip of his own coffee, his brow wrinkling thoughtfully. "I mean, it's not as good as yours-.."

"I don't understand." Ianto cut in, before his eyes widened in understanding. "Oh...oh, of course." Why bother with Retcon when the answer was more permanent. "I'll, uh, I'll make sure everything's in order before you...well...I assume you have a place to do it?"

"Do -...?" Jack queried, lifting an eyebrow. He shook his head a moment later. "You think I'm going to -...Ianto, that's not even an option with me. It never will be." Jack kept his gaze locked on Ianto, making sure he understood how serious he was about that. "Sit down. We need to talk." He nodded towards a kitchen chair, dragging out one for himself before he sat down.

Ianto sat down opposite Jack, his hands folding around his mug. How many times had they done this before this night? Jack stumbling in on his doorstep at all hours after a hunt, waking him up, taking the time to shower in Ianto's bathroom before sitting here for a coffee and then a quick fumble around on the couch before he went back to the Hub. It was felt so strange initially, Ianto reminding himself that it had all been for Lisa. Always Lisa. But how quickly had that began to change? How quickly had Ianto found that he enjoyed Jack's company, his flirting, his humour?

"What you did today...you realise that can never happen again?" Jack asked, hating the way Ianto seemed to pale at the question, his eyes darkening with pain.

"Of course."

"Ianto, I need to know I can trust you. The team needs to know it can."

"You can, Jack. I...I never meant for anyone to get hurt. I swear. I just...I just needed to bring Lisa back. I just wanted to save her. I would never do anything else to compromise the team. To compromise you."

Jack could see the weight of those words in Ianto's eyes and in that moment, he knew he was making the right move with what he was about to do. This was about saving lives. Ianto's life. He had lost everything at Canary Wharf and Jack had seen in Ianto's eyes as he went back down into the Hub to confront Lisa, that the young man had been resigned to probably not coming out of it alive. There'd already been three deaths today...three lives lost because of Torchwood One. Jack wasn't willing to have another. "I want you at the Hub, first thing tomorrow."

"You...you're giving me another chance?"

"Is there a reason I shouldn't?" Jack asked, searching Ianto's eyes for a deeper answer than what he expected to hear.

"Uh...no. No. I'll be there." Ianto nodded, stunned by the offer. He lifted his coffee to his lips and took another sip, trying to get his head around what was happening. Why was Jack giving him this chance? Glancing up at Jack, Ianto felt his heart stall for a moment as he locked eyes with him and saw the concern reflected in those blue orbs.

"I should go. " Jack stated abruptly, standing up and placing his mug in the sink. "First thing tomorrow, okay?"

"Right...yup, I'll be there." Ianto nodded again. He stayed in his seat long after he heard the front door close. A tremble set into his hands again as his composure gave way, tears brimming his eyes and a sob catching in his throat. Ianto took a deep, shuddering breath, wiping at his eyes before he took himself off for a shower at last.

**xXx**

The following morning, Ianto walked through the cog door to the Hub, his heart threatening to burst from his chest as he took every damn step. He could do this. A fresh start. A chance to make amends and prove his worth to Jack and the others.

Movement above him caught his eye and Ianto looked up to find Jack watching him from the conference room window with Gwen standing nearby. Arms folded, a look on his face that had Ianto coming to a complete stand still and waiting expectantly.

For a sign. Some sort of acknowledgement from Jack that things would get better. That he had a chance here still...and that he had a chance still with Jack.

Jack nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving Ianto's as he watched the younger man nod in return, hope rekindling in Ianto's eyes again. A flicker of life that told Jack he had made the right decision.

Life was full of mistakes and regrets...it was what people took from them that made all the difference. Ianto Jones would survive this to become someone he should have always been...and Jack Harkness was going to be there, every step of the way.


End file.
